While it might seem odd to comment on a movie before it comes out, I can’t contain myself with Iron Man 2. John Nolte has forced my hand:

Though the highly anticipated “Iron Man 2” qualifies as a hilarious, entertaining, irreverent, and openly patriotic summer blockbuster well worth the price of admission (and then some), like most sequels, the continuing story of Tony Stark and company does falls short of its predecessor…

Hilarious: Check. Entertaining: Check. Patriotic: Check.

That’s all I needed, John. Thanks. And now I’d like to take a moment to

Iron Man is America. Liberals refuse to accept how cool that is. Their loss.

describe why Iron Man is such a great character (despite the best efforts of liberal writers to ruin him with sad attempts at Bush/Cheney warmonger allegories)

The same thing that makes Iron Man great is the same thing that makes America the most Kick Ass country the world has ever seen. The Christian elements of our nation’s founding guarantee that the innate creativity of man is encouraged to blossom. God gave each of us gifts, and wants us to take full advantage of them.  Capitalism, Science, and The Rule of Law fused in America to produce a system that churns out ideas and innovation and entrepreneurs at an astounding rate—when the government gets out of the way.  The spirit of  America is embodied in the character of Tony Stark: He’s big. He’s bold. He shoots for the stars, and he’s unapologetic about his accomplishments.

However, like America, Tony Stark has his flaws. His same strengths can, at times, cause him to lose sight of himself.  Success can be a double-edged sword (or, ummm…malfunctioning repulsor ray?), but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s still inherently a hero. And that’s exactly where so many movies written by liberal Hollywood self-loathers get it wrong. They’re so concerned about offending France’s cheese eating elitist lecture circuit and the sensitivities of cultures that won’t even play Western movies, that their heroes come across as weak-kneed nincompoops. When you stand for everything you stand for nothing. And that makes for a horrible superhero movie.

Stan Lee, a living legend most non-comic fans have heard of, once said something to the effect: I wanted to take a character that was almost impossible to like and make him popular.

To a liberal like Lee (creative genius he may be) the idea that an entrepreneur like Tony Stark would be a hard sell is, quite frankly, politically tone deaf.  As much as liberals like to bash successful businessmen, the American people want to be them. As I said before, most people know that they have God-given talents and seek ways to cultivate them for the benefit of themselves and their family. Work is a virtue. Work is a gift. Giving to other people through our creative efforts is a satisfying and just endeavor, and profiting off of those efforts is equally as righteous. And that is something that liberals, for whatever reason, just don’t seem to understand.

This week I will see Iron Man 2. And I will most-likely enjoy it. And even if I don’t, I can take heart that a character who personifies American ingenuity gets to step into the limelight yet again.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go listen to that out.freakin’.standing. crooner Robert Downy Jr. And then watch…Lego Star Wars awesomeness. I suggest you take part too. You’ll thank me later.

Update: I was going to give my full review of the movie now that it’s actually out, but it looks like Doc Zero has that one covered. He reiterates a lot of the same points I made a few days ago AND he’s even familiar with the Civil War storyline. Major cool points for that one.

Tony Starks in Texas are literally breaking down barriers to oil. In an undisclosed mansion Al Gore cries salty tears.

The interesting thing about predictions about the world’s supply of oil is that no matter how many times the “experts” are wrong the predictions keep coming. And each generation of gullible college kids keep latching onto them. The reason those predictions are almost always inaccurate  is because hard core liberal prognosticators usually fail to factor in the creativity of the human mind. New technologies set to release large quantities of oil from “tight rock” formations in Texas have, without a doubt, caused tears to flow in the private jets and mansions occupied by Al Gore, his Gorebots, and Keith Olbermann.

I have no problem with private companies doing research and development into wind turbines (also known as next-generation windmills). I just wish that liberals would applaud other breakthroughs in technology that will raise the standard of living of millions of Americans:

The oil industry says any environmental concerns are far outweighed by the economic benefits of pumping previously inaccessible oil from fields that could collectively hold two or three times as much oil as Prudhoe Bay, the Alaskan field that was the last great onshore discovery. The companies estimate that the boom will create more than two million new jobs, directly or indirectly, and bring tens of billions of dollars to the states where the fields are located, which include traditional oil sites like Texas and Oklahoma, industrial stalwarts like Ohio and Michigan and even farm states like Kansas.

Only a few years ago, mining from these rock formations in an economically feasible way was unheard of. Now, through a process called “fracking,” (extraction by using “a high-pressure mix of water, sand and hazardous chemicals to blast through the rocks”) huge amounts of oil are well (no pun intended) on their way to the market.

Worried about “hazardous chemicals”? If you’re a normal human being, you just said yes. I like drinking clean water and breathing clean air just as much as the next guy. However, if you’re a conservative you can rest easy because you trust that the same great minds that figured out how to extract oil in new ways can also figure out how to deal with hazardous materials. If you have pictures of Al Gore hanging over your bed, you’re probably inclined to regulate the process into extinction tomorrow.

The difference between conservatives and liberals is that conservatives trust that there’s a little Tony Stark in each of us waiting to be unleashed, while liberals fear that there are Tony Starks out there who need to be controlled. In short:

God gave each of us gifts, and wants us to take full advantage of them. Capitalism, Science, and The Rule of Law fused in America to produce a system that churns out ideas and innovation and entrepreneurs at an astounding rate—when the government gets out of the way. The spirit of America is embodied in the character of Tony Stark: He’s big. He’s bold. He shoots for the stars, and he’s unapologetic about his accomplishments.

Texas and its shale oil engineers are big, bold, and unapologetic about their accomplishments—and we should embrace them. Likewise, I suppose there are Tony Starks in San Francisco who will blow our minds with the windmills of tomorrow—and they should be embraced for their successes. I just wish Al Gore, residing in one of his many mansions with the temperature set to his exact specifications, thought the same way.

Side note: Let’s also give thanks that more oil will be coming online in the United States, as opposed to…Venezuela.

It wasn’t long ago that Marvel changed the name of Captain America to The First Avenger in places like Russia to make a few million extra bucks. Who needs artistic integrity when something as “meaningless” as the title can be fudged and fiddled with to appease fickle Commies on the other side of the globe?

Well, now Marvel has taken it to a new level. As I was taking a break from enjoying an epic Easter weekend feast with my wife and friends, I read an email from a regular reader on the decision to release a second version of Iron Man 3 for Chinese audiences.

Wired reports:

In an announcement from Marvel Studios today, the company revealed that the Chinese version of the movie will include “significant Chinese elements” created in co-operation with Chinese media company DMG, which is distributing the movie in China.

“Both versions of the film include Iron Man 3 footage filmed in Beijing in December,” the announcement explains, but “the Chinese version of the film will also feature a special appearance of China’s top actress, Fan Bingbing, and will offer specially prepared bonus footage made exclusively for the Chinese audience.”

This is another example of American studios becoming more aware of the importance of China as a foreign market, and with good reason; last year, China became the second largest international market for U.S.-made movies (behind Japan) after box office receipts rose 31 percent to around $2.75 billion, and is expected to overtake the U.S. market by 2020. …

When the news broke of [MGM's] alternation [to 'Red Dawn' to change its villains from the Chinese to North Koreans] last year, one Hollywood producer spoke anonymously to the L.A. Times, calling it “a clear-cut case — maybe the first I can think of in the history of Hollywood — where a foreign country’s censorship board deeply affects what we produce.” It may have been the first, but as today’s Iron Man 3 news suggests, it may not be the last as American studios try to become far more conscious of where the money is these days.

As I said in the comments section of my post on Iron Man 3:

[W]e shouldn’t be censoring ourselves to placate a bunch of Commies thugs. And if we are, that says quite a bit about where we are as a culture.

There is a big difference between being sensitive to a specific culture because a little sensitivity can translate into a large box office take, and making substantive changes to a film to win the approval of a foreign country’s censorship board — particularly when that country is China.

While I can’t imagine Shane “I think the ‘ultimate terrorist’ is an American” Black would have that much editorial snipping to do to make China’s censorship cops happy, what will it mean for future Marvel movies? Or American cinema in general?

How many Americans will actually watch the Mandarin version of Iron Man 3 to make sure the writers and producers aren’t surreptitiously sliming their own country? My bet: not many.

But I promise you this: I will.

Luckily, I have a “good friend” (understatement of the year award) who will obtain the Mandarin version, watch it with me, and translate it. It might take awhile, but once I get my hands on it I will do a review of the Iron Man 3 most Americans will never see.

Is it possible that Fan Bingbing’s role in the movie will be a cameo, at best? Yes. Is it possible that any changes or additions to Iron Man 3 will be rather innocuous? Yes. But that’s not the problem. The problem is the precedent that it sets to be to tailoring movies with serious social commentary to the whims of governments that do not respect freedom of speech, freedom or religion, or freedom of assembly.

Imagine your favorite political song or poem or work of fiction. Now imagine the artist responsible changing the content to get it played on Chinese radio or viewed in Chinese libraries. How would you feel? Pretty depressed? I know I would.

Hollywood’s elite see itself as a collection of talented artists, but they are setting the stage to further prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are merely artistic pimps and prostitutes for the highest bidder.

Related: Iron Man 3′s ‘ultimate terrorist’ created by America: Shane Black provides liberalism on stark display

How big of a role will Fan Bingbing play in Mandarin version of ‘Iron Man 3′? How does the other added content change the film? Good questions. I plan on finding out.

Marvel comics has some interesting priorities. It allowed Dan Slott to kill one of the most popular characters of all time — Peter Parker — and has been dragging its feet on bringing him back ever since. It recently announced an embarrassing new origin for Tony Stark. Tens-of-thousands of long time readers might be livid, but Marvel wants you to know that it’s all going to be okay because this February they’ll be introducing … a Muslim superhero who has the ability to look a lot like “Cock Knocker” from Kevin Smith’s ‘Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back’? Weird.

The Outhousers reports:

Marvel announced to the New York Times that G Willow Wilson (writer of the short-lived revival of the Crossgen series Mystic) will be writing a new Ms. Marvel series starring Kamala Khan, a Muslim American teenage girl with the ability to shapeshift.  According to the Times, Khan idolizes Carol Danvers and takes up her original codename after discovering her powers.

Okay. Fair enough. Marvel gets to put out a press release and pat itself on the back for being “diverse.” Sure. But questions remain: Is this going to be a book on how all Americans are apparently fearful of Muslims, or will the superhero use her powers to save Muslims like Malala Yousafzai before they’re shot in the face and left for dead by Pakistani Taliban psychopaths? Or, will the book primarily just be about the struggles of a teenage girl?

The New York Times sheds some light on the issues:

Kamala will face struggles outside her own head, including conflicts close to home. “Her brother is extremely conservative,” [Marvel editor] Ms. Amanat said. “Her mom is paranoid that she’s going to touch a boy and get pregnant. Her father wants her to concentrate on her studies and become a doctor.” Next to those challenges, fighting supervillains may be a respite.

The creative team is braced for all possible reactions. “I do expect some negativity,” Ms. Amanat said, “not only from people who are anti-Muslim, but people who are Muslim and might want the character portrayed in a particular light.”

But “this is not evangelism,” Ms. Wilson said. “It was really important for me to portray Kamala as someone who is struggling with her faith.” The series, Ms. Wilson said, would deal with how familial and religious edicts mesh with super-heroics, which can require rules to be broken.

It’s really hard to comment on the book before it’s come out. I want to give Marvel the benefit of the doubt, but how can I? History indicates that they’ll go the politically correct route. Remember when Marvel wanted Spider-Man readers to know that Muslims are safer in Iran than New York? I do.

Let me set the stage. Something is very wrong in New York City. Citizens have been taken with fear, and they’re acting out in irrational ways. Spider-Man is working overtime (what else is new?) to keep the city from tearing itself apart. Cue Naveed Moshtaghi, a taxi driver and Iranian immigrant. Naveed’s vehicle is hit by an angry white guy, who then blames the accident on Naveed: ”He’s one of the terrorists. He wants to kill us all!”, says the aggressor. A mob is swarms around Naveed, swallowing him whole until Spider-Man saves the day.

At this point I’m willing to give writer Chris Yost a break. Maybe the “God of Fear” is really behind it all. I’m even willing to shrug off a narrator who begins, “Naveed Moshtaghi is afraid of the same thing he’s been afraid of for ten years,” (i.e., Americans are just itching for an excuse to bum rush Muslims post-9/11 to infinity and beyond), right before the story unfolds that way.

But then something interesting happens. All alone on a rooftop, Spider-Man tells the man he’s dealing with the crisis very well. Naveed responds: “I’m a second generation Iranian in New York City. Living in fear, that’s what I’m used to. What is happening down there, sometimes I think it was only a matter of time.”

Those darn white guys. Indeed, it was all just a “matter of time.” Maybe they were the same white Christian guys the Pentagon fears these days. Who knows.

Regardless, the point is, Marvel wonders why fans roll their eyes every time there is a new character seemingly invented for the sole purpose of throwing a diversity parade. Usually, those creations have less to do with adding an interesting new personality to the universe and more to do with beating readers over the head with a particular worldview. Don’t believe me? See DC’s Muslim Green Lantern.

Will I check out Ms. Marvel when it hits shelves? Perhaps. Although, quite honestly, it seems as though Marvel should get right with Spider-Man and Iron Man fans before it starts asking readers to fork over cash for teenage shapeshifters.

Related: Check out Hubes take over at the Colossus of Rhodey

Marvel’s Iron Man is apparently suiting up for Captain America 3, which is great news, but someone better tell Robert Downey Jr. to read the script very closely. If he’s not careful, then there’s a good chance Marvel will use the big screen adaptation of “Civil War” to make a fool out of his character, just like it did in the comics.

Comingsoon.net reported Oct. 13:

Marking a major twist to the Marvel Cinematic Universe’s “Phase Three,” Variety is reporting that Robert Downey Jr. is close to joining the cast of Captain America 3 as Tony Stark and that the film will launch elements of the hit comic book crossover event, “Civil War” in the MCU!

The news comes on the heels of an announcement from Marvel this morning that a new “Civil War” comic book is on the way next summer.

The good news for Iron Man fans is that Anthony and Joe Russo will be at the helm for Captain America 3. The bad news is that a.) They’ll still have to traverse Marvel’s “Civil War” material from 2006, which often made Tony Stark look like a buffoon, and b.) Tony will most-likely be seen as a villain instead of a man with incredibly-astute observations about civil liberties in a world populated by superheroes.

For those unfamiliar with the storyline, it centers around the Superhero Registration Act, which originally was supposed to require those with superpowers to simply disclose their abilities to the federal government. It soon morphed into a weird recruitment tool by the State to force individuals to sign on as living weapons.

Marvel’s tortured allegory for the Patriot Act could have been a great read if the writers handled both sides of the debate with the intellectual respect each deserved. Instead, Tony Stark became a symbol for Marvel’s interpretation of the conservative worldview and was made to look like an unhinged war-monger. Captain America, meanwhile, fought for the so-called privacy rights for men and women who could destroy entire cities, possibly warp time and space, etc.

Consider this: In the Marvel Universe, it’s apparently okay for the federal government to require an ID to vote, get a driver’s license, open a bank account, and a whole host of other actions — but it was somehow an invasion of civil liberties in 2006 to have a man register with the federal government if he had telepathic abilities.

Here is how ridiculous it became: Captain America, for all intents and purposes, fought for the “rights” of a super-villain who could do all sorts of dastardly things to his neighbor’s wife and kids, mind-wipe the whole family so they couldn’t remember what took place, and then do it over and over and over again for years on end. And yet, Tony Stark was the “bad” guy for proposing that some sort of legislation be put in place to get a handle of it all.

Again, it’s important to note that Anthony and Joe Russo did a wonderful job with Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Given the way they successfully navigated political minefields with its script, one would have to assume they would give moviegoers the best possible version of a cinematic “Civil War.”

But it isn’t them the fans should be worried about — it’s Marvel. If the company pushes them to use too many elements from the 2006-2007 event, then Tony Stark will come off looking ridiculous. If they allow the Russo brothers to just pick and chose the elements they like, then fans are likely to get a really cool film.

Robert Downey Jr. probably guaranteed himself a massive paycheck for Captain America 3, and that is wonderful for him. However, Iron Man fans better hope that he also had his lawyers secure him some clout with the script-writing process. If they didn’t, then he may have to deliver some embarrassing lines for what will still undoubtedly be a summer blockbuster.

If you’re a fan of Marvel Comics, then let me know what you thought of 2006’s Civil War in the comments below, as well as the company’s decision to visit the storyline again for summer, 2015.

Related: ‘Captain America: The Winter Soldier’ keeps the Marvel movie train rolling full steam ahead

By now the entire world has seen the teaser trailer for Marvel’s Avengers: Age of Ultron. There really is only one word to describe it: awesome. The first movie made over $1.5 billion worldwide. It seems fair to say that $2 billion this time around is a distinct possibility. However, if director Joss Whedon delivers the goods — and all signs point to ‘yes’ — then it begs the question: How can he walk away from a climatic Avengers 3?

Over the past few weeks it’s been rumored that Marvel wants Joe and Anthony Russo to sign on for the 3rd and 4th Avengers movies, but it feels as though everything is building to Avengers 3. Only Marvel knows if that is the case, but I can’t help but feel as though walking away before completing an Avengers trilogy would be a bizarre move on Mr. Whedon’s part.

Directing a movie on as big of a scale as The Avengers must be physically and mentally exhausting. The time away from family and the pressure it puts on the director must be unbearable. However, if Mr. Whedon has set the stage for the superhero movie of all superhero movies to be Avengers 3, then passing on the job would be like the quarterback who leads his team down the field at the end of the big game, only to walk off the field on the opponent’s 20-yard line.

Regardless, for those who were too dazzled by the visuals of the teaser trailer to pay attention to the narration, it appears as though Whedon is going Empire Strikes Back-dark with this installment.

Ultron: “I’m going to show you something beautiful — everyone … screaming for mercy. You want to protect the world, but you don’t want it to change. You’re all puppets tangled in strings. String. But now I’m free. There are no strings on me.”

Then there is this exchange between Tony Stark and Natasha Romanoff:

Tony Stark: “It’s the end. The end of the path I started us on.”

Natasha Romanoff: “Nothing last forever.”

Meanwhile, an eerie rendition of “I’ve Got No Strings” from Disney’s Pinocchio plays in the background. (The merger between Marvel and Disney continues to pay off in interesting ways.)

It’s hard to see how Marvel can continue to keep this momentum going. The Black Widow is right: “Nothing lasts forever.” Eventually, Marvel will create a movie that implodes under its own weight. Eventually, all waves crash against the shore. Regardless, when that happens it will be hard not acknowledge that it was one wild ride.

Given that Dan Slott’s Peter Parker is Tony Stark-light these days, I thought I would check out the real deal with Marvel’s relaunch of Invincible Iron Man. I had not bothered with “shell head” in about ten years, but it looks like I will be sticking around thanks to Brian Michael Bendis’ quality work.

Technology: Check. Espionage: Check. Action: Check. Romance: Check. Magic: Check. Dialogue that says, “This writer takes his craft seriously”: Check.

I am in the dark as to much of what has happened to Mr. Stark since roughly 2005 — other than knowing that Marvel made many stupid moves messing with his history and tarnishing his reputation — but it appears as though they did the right thing by pairing artist David Marquez with Bendis.

The first two issues of Invincible Iron Man were exactly what I was looking for in a comic book. I found myself thinking, “What is Madame Masque up to? What the heck is going on with Victor Von Doom? Where the heck is this all going?” It’s a shame that such a well-oiled machine (no pun intended) doesn’t exist with another iconic character using holographic technology as CEO of Parker Industries.

The thing that I have always admired about Mr. Bendis’ work is that even when I don’t agree with some of his editorial decisions, I cannot deny that he delivers a tight, taut product.

If you are a fan of Iron Man, then let me know what you think in the comments section below. I’d love to hear your thoughts on Marvel’s handling of Tony, Brian Michael Bendis’ work on the book, or anything else Iron Man-related.

Regular readers of this blog know that I have been following the relaunches of Invincible Iron Man and The Amazing Spider-Man. Since one features Tony Stark and the other features “Tony Stark light,” it is interesting to see how each writer handles his respective superhero. One thing readers will get from writer Brian Michael Bendis’ Tony Stark that they will not from Dan Slott’s Peter Parker is a clear understanding of the character’s inner being.

Take Stark’s conversation with his new love interest, Amara Perera, for instance:

Perera: Don’t you have superhero friends that you can commiserate with when things like this happen?

Stark: In my line of work…there’s always somebody with a much worse story. ‘Oh, man. I almost died tonight.’ ‘Yeah? I was almost eaten by Galactus.’ ‘Oh Yeah? I died and was resurrected as my own child.”

Perera: And you found yourself thinking about me?

Stark: I might not actually have a lot of friends.

Perera: You do.

Stark: I know a lot of people. But…people don’t want to hear me talk about any of my problems because, well —

Perera: You’re rich.

Stark: I can see their eyes glaze over. I can hear the ‘Aw, poor baby.’ Like my problems aren’t problems.

Perera: Money can’t buy happiness? That is disappointing to hear.

Stark: Sorry to be the one to break it to you.

Perera: Maybe you don’t know a lot of people that challenge you intellectually.

Stark: A few. But they are very, I want to say…

Perera: Cocky?

Stark: Insane.

Bendis’ Stark is a character who has psychological meat on him. Slott’s Peter Parker literally died and was resurrected, yet he treats the experience like a bad trip to the dentist.

Bendis’ Stark is surrounded people, but lonely. He is rich, but not happy. He wants to become a better person (as demonstrated in another conversation later in the book), but he never can find the right mentor to help him begin the journey.

Anyone can fill a comic book with fights and gadgets and zingy one-liners, but none of that matters if the characters are one dimensional. Bendis’ heroes and villains have depth and breadth. They have gravitas, which makes the magic and the mystery and the fight scenes exponentially more satisfying than anything you will find in The Amazing Spider-Man #3.

For those who are not up to speed, the story breaks down as follows:

• Madam Masque is on a mission to collect rare magical artifacts that have essentially slipped through “dimensional cracks” and found their way to earth. Tony does not know why she is doing this, since it does not fit her psychological profile.
• Doctor Doom wants to help Tony on his mission, but won’t explain why.
• Tony wants to become the kind of man who “deserves” to be with famous biochemical engineer Amara Perera.

It is comforting to read a mystery where the writer methodically lays out a bread trail for readers to follow. Each crumb Bendis places before his audience is there for a specific reason. Whereas Dan Slott lets his imagination toss him around like young bull rider, Bendis controls his imagination like a seasoned rancher overseeing the herd.

If you get a chance, then check out Invincible Iron Man. It’s shaping up to be one of the few books worth a $4.00 cover price.

The trailer for ‘Captain America: Civil War’ premiered on Tuesday night, and somewhere out there Steven Spielberg of “superhero movies will go the way of the Western” fame wiped egg off his face.

For those who don’t remember, he told The Hollywood Reporter Sept. 2:

Two years ago, Steven Spielberg famously predicted an “implosion” of the movie industry because of its over-reliance on big budget summer blockbusters. In the wake of the success of Jurassic World, which Spielberg produced, that hasn’t changed, he says.

“I still feel that way,” Spielberg told The Associated Press while promoting Bridge of Spies, his upcoming Cold War-era thriller. “We were around when the Western died and there will be a time when the superhero movie goes the way of the Western. It doesn’t mean there won’t be another occasion where the Western comes back and the superhero movie someday returns.”

Spielberg didn’t “predict” anything because his diagnosis of what ails the movie industry is not even correct. It has been big-budget summer blockbusters allowing the industry to tread water now that Hollywood is just one of many outlets Americans use for entertainment and escapism. But I digress.

Tony Stark says to Steve Rogers:

Stark: Captain, you seem a little defense.

Rogers: Well, it’s been a long day.

Stark: If we can’t accept limitations, we’re no better than the bad guys.

Rogers: That’s not the way I see it.

Stark: Sometimes I want to punch you in your perfect teeth.

Boom. Stark nails it.

In a world populated with beings as strong as gods, capable of mind control, or able to alter space and time, the federal government would have a vested interest in knowing who those individuals were. To not track human nuclear bombs walking among the civilian population would constitute a level of negligence by elected officials worthy of prison time.

The problem Marvel will face on the big screen will be the same one faced by its comic book writers — who failed miserably with Civil War. They heavily put their thumb on the scale to make Steve Rogers the “good guy” and Tony Stark the “bad guy” instead of telling a nuanced tale.

If directors Anthony and Joe Russo demanded more of their writers than Marvel Comics did with Civil War, then fans may get the best MCU movie to date. If they did not, then Steve Rogers will once find himself fighting for Kilgrave’s “right” to anonymously rape young girls.

Will the MCU be one where it’s right for the government to demand an ID to get a drivers license but wrong if a man has the power to blow up an entire city? Let us hope the Russo brothers once again rise above the petty politics routinely demonstrated by Marvel’s comic book writers. If they do, then Mr. Speilberg will be picking egg out of his beard for many years to come.

Invincible Iron Man #5 is an issue Mary Jane fans need to read, if for no other reason than to remind themselves just how bizarre it is for Dan Slott not to utilize her in The Amazing Spider-Man.

Regular readers of the book know that Tony Stark has been trying to figure out why Madam Masque is on a hunt for mystical artifacts. He eventually tracks her down inside MJ’s new nightclub, “Jackpot,” in Chicago on its opening night.

The verdict: Madam Masque is possessed by a demon, which will require a team effort between Tony and Doctor Doom to save her life.

“Jackpot” is predictably destroyed before the confrontation is over.

As many fans expected, Tony offers to pay for the damage incurred during his fight. MJ, however, says the “P.R. nightmare” has rendered her club-owning days “kablooey.”

While this is a specious claim in a universe where superheroes and supervillains exist, Bendis does a good job selling it to the reader. Tony finds MJ in a park and offers her a job as his über-assistant/life coach.

This is a bit more problematic given MJ’s first line of dialogue in the issue:

“Superheroes. Again. Every time. Every time a superhero shows up in my life, I have to start over.”

Would a woman who resents the impact superheroes have on her life become Tony Stark’s personal assistant? Perhaps — if she thought about it for a long time and decided that her fate was intrinsically linked with superheroes. But it would take a skilled writer to pull off the idea. Luckily for Bendis, he fits the bill.

Spider-Man fans will also find MJ’s assertion that she is at her “lowest point” in life rather dubious. When Tony questions the validity of her claim, she replies, “Well, tell that to my soul.”

Was Bendis alluding to the infamous One More Day storyline? Indeed, MJ’s “soul” would agree with Tony — it lost its mate, Peter Parker.

In short, Bendis’ handling of MJ in this issue is proof once again that the devil-dealing “medicine” supported by Tom Brevoort was poison.

Seeing MJ well-written in Invincible Iron Man is a bitter pill to swallow, but it most certainly is not poison.

The issue of Invincible Iron Man that Mary Jane fans have been waiting for has arrived. The seventh issue on Bendis’ run features MJ’s first day at work for Tony Stark, and before it’s over she needs to reach Peter Parker at his emergency number. It may be the character who is introduced on the final page of the book, however, who Stark fans should be talking about.

One of the things Bendis understands, which certain other high-profile writers at Marvel do not, is that sometimes it is absolutely necessary to slow things down and just focus on character development, character development, character development. (Should I say it a fourth time?)

IIM #7 dedicates almost the entire issue to Tony’s first professional interactions with his new hire. They talk…and talk…and talk, but in this case it’s okay because standards are set, boundaries are established, and chemistry needs to form.

Readers simply need to imagine what a similar introduction between Peter Parker and Pepper Potts would look like in The Amazing Spider-Man. Instead of devoting 95 percent of the issue to authentic human interactions, Pepper would get a cursory introduction and then a calamity would strike. The audience would weirdly be expected to care for the new relationship simply because it’s Pepper and Peter working together — and then Comic Book Resources would give it the obligatory glowing review.

Perhaps one of the few awkward things about Stark’s decision to hire MJ is his cluelessness about her past. He invites a woman into his inner circle but does not really vet her. Only issues before he was telling his girlfriend about telepathic espionage, etc., and now he impulsively hires a former club owner. Regardless, Bendis’ scenario as it is written passes the smell test (barely).

Aside from MJ’s meeting with her new boss, the rest of the issue is dedicated to Rhodey, who was sent to Japan to investigate a group of bio-hacker ninjas until Stark can get around to it. Rhodey goes missing, and through a strange twist of fate it turns out that technology titan Peter Parker is in country.

“You know your bodyguard, Spider-Man? Is he doing anything right now? Listen, I need a favor. It’s kind of a big one,” Stark says after getting Parker on the phone, which nicely sets up IIM #8.

One would think the issue would end with Iron Man racing to save his friend, right? Wrong. Bendis cuts to Massachusetts Institute of Technology, where a young woman appears to be making her own “Iron Man” suit in one of its labs. She is scolded by some older staffers who call her a “kid” in the final panel.

Who is this kid genius? Why is she making “Iron Man”-type armor? (And yes, I realize I am asking these questions when “to be continued…” obviously means that we will get answers in due time.)

The previous questions need to be asked because Marvel has made no secret of its desire to social justice the heck out of its own universe. It seems entirely plausible that Bendis could be setting the stage for Tony to be “killed” or temporarily replaced, just like Captain America, Thor or even Spider-Man (e.g., Bendis’ Miles Morales wants to be seen as “the” Spider-Man”).

If you have thoughts on IIM #7, feel free to share them below. I’d love to hear what you thought of MJ’s first day on the job, Bendis’ mystery character, or predictions for the next issue.

The second trailer for Captain America: Civil War was released Thursday, and it is good. Correction: It is excellent. It looks as if directors Joe and Anthony Russuo, along with writers Christopher Markus Stephen McFeely, will handle “Civil War” like is should have been years ago in the comics. Who is right? Who is wrong? The comic books — predictably — went with stupid political potshots instead of exploring complex issues in ways everyone could enjoy.

How do political leaders maximize security and individual liberty when man is fallible and capable of horrendous deeds? It’s a good question. Markus and McFeely appear to understand that’s it’s not as simplistic as “Conservatives, bad! Liberals, good!” as the writers in Marvel’s comics division would have you believe.

The exchange between Tony Stark and Steve Rogers in the trailer portends good things to come on May 6:

Tony Stark: That’s why I’m here. We need to be put in check. Whatever form that takes, I’m game.

Stever Rogers: I’m sorry, Tony. If I see a situation pointed south, I can’t ignore it. Sometimes I wish I could.

Tony Stark: Sometimes I want to punch you in your perfect teeth.

Steve Rogers: I know we’re not perfect, but the safest hands are still our own.

It is telling that Captain America’s rebuttal to Tony’s call for a “check” on people with superpowers is to acknowledge that he has no self-control.

Steve Rogers is obviously a good man, but a.) Not all men are good, and b.) The individual with an all-consuming desire to right wrongs in a fallen world is, in fact, dangerous.

Captain America: Winter Soldier showed that there are legitimate reasons to fear and distrust the federal government, but Rogers appears to have decided that because man-made institutions are subject to the shortcomings of men, then he should be given a license to act outside the rule of law. When Stark talks about punching Rogers in his “perfect teeth” it resonates with viewers because Captain America smugly but unwittingly stands upon a moral pedestal.

How strange is it that Tony Stark understands The Federalist Papers better than Captain America?

“If men were angels, no government would be necessary. If angels were to govern men, neither external nor internal controls on government would be necessary.” — Federalist 51, James Madison.

These are the questions the Russo brothers seem ready to explore with maturity and professionalism, and for that fans should be grateful. Sadly, the comic book writers tend to dish out partisan slop and then feign indignation when they’re taken to task.

Finally, it is good to know that Spider-Man will make an appearance in a great movie for the first time in years. While it is frustrating that Marvel Studios was not able to wrestle full control of the character from Sony Pictures, at least fans know there will be a “check” on Sony’s habitual stupidity.

Check back in at this blog opening weekend for a full review of Captain America: Civil War. I’m looking forward to your feedback.

Say what you want about Brian Michael Bendis, but the man’s self-awareness is better than 95 percent of the rest of the writers employed by Marvel. When he knows a particular story is open to criticism, he tends to find ways to subtly acknowledge the problem within the issue as a way of disarming bloggers like yours truly.

Take, for example, Invincible Iron Man #8, which is bursting at the seams with all it’s trying to accomplish. It is busy, busy, busy — but at one point Spider-Man says of the situation, “Ninjas and robots and Rhodey in his embarrassing boxers, oh my!”

Touché, Mr. Bendis. Touché.

For those who have not been reading the story, it goes as follows: Tony Stark offered a job to Mary Jane, Rhodey disappeared in Japan trying to find bio-hacking ninjas, and Spider-Man was called to help find him.

IIM #8, again, is a very busy issue. Mary Jane appears to walk away from Stark’s job offer (we know that won’t last), Iron Man and Spider-Man look for Rhodey, and it all culminates in a battle involving a horde of ninjas and a gigantic Iron-Man-inspired suit that utilizes mysterious technology.

Question: Is it a good issue?

Answer: Yes — with one minor caveat.

The problem with writers who take on Tony Stark and Peter Parker is that sometimes they use the sarcasm button too many times in a single issue. Yes, both men are masters at the one-liner. Yes, both men use sarcasm to mask all sorts of fears and insecurities, but it is possible to overdo it. Using such a trait when it’s uncalled for makes a character come across as a jerk. Luckily for Bendis, he realizes that one way to add extra gravity to the book is to find a situation so dangerous that it finally shuts Tony up.

Whoever this new villain is, he or she found a way to leave Tony speechless by the last page. It was a welcome surprise after countless panels of Iron Man, Spider-Man, and Rhodey all basically blowing off what appeared to be a serious opponent.

In many ways IIM #8 was going to succeed or fail based upon what happened on the final page, and it is safe to say that Bendis … detonated it.

Invincible Iron Man continues to be one of Marvel’s most carefully crafted books. If you want stories by a “writer’s writer,” then you should check out Bendis. If you want “nuke the fridge” moments reminiscent of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, then I suggest checking out Dan Slott’s run on The Amazing Spider-Man.

Bendis Bonus:

If you’re like me, then you were glad to see that Bendis seems to feel the same way about Spider-Man’s stupid glowing spider on the new suit. In response to finding out that Iron Man’s suit has A.I., Spider-Man says, “Cool. My spider glows now for no apparent reason.”

Zing!

The introduction to the 12th issue of The Amazing Spider-Man informs readers that Peter Parker has returned to New York City to “breathe a sigh of relief” after his recent showdown with the Zodiac terrorist organization. Indeed, writer Dan Slott then goes on to provide a palate-cleanser in the form of an old-school team-up between Spider-Man and Iron Man. It’s generally a fun tale that includes the return of Mary Jane, plenty of action and humor, and set-ups for Marvel’s Civil War II and the return of Regent. Mr. Slott’s fundamental misunderstanding of who Peter Parker is, however, needlessly produces a character who is socially impotent and politically aligned with his adversary.

The story goes as follows:

• Parker Industries is hosting a black tie event to raise money for the Uncle Ben Foundation.
• Tony Stark and his personal assistant, Mary Jane, are in attendance.
• Augustus Roman (aka, Regent) of Empire Unlimited shows up.
• Corporate saboteur “Ghost” crashes the party.
• Spider-Man and Iron Man team up to save the day.
• Roman’s facility for super-powered criminals, The Cellar, is introduced.

If you are the type of reader who mindlessly consumes comic books like I devour chocolate-covered raisins before a big-budget movie, then stop reading now and buy ASM #12.

If you are the type of reader who wonders why Peter Parker so often does not seem right under Mr. Slott’s direction, then read on. You may want to save that $4.00 for another book — perhaps the next issue of Charles Soule’s Daredevil.

ASM #12 demonstrates from the very first panel that Dan Slott does not know how to strip his own politics from the book to provide a superior (no pun intended) product.

If you, dear reader, were to become the CEO of a major company, then you would have no problem buying a nice tuxedo for black tie events. If attending charity fundraisers was a recurring obligation you had as CEO of “Successful Business Dude Inc.,” then taking time out of your schedule to rent and return cheap suits would be bizarre.

Dan Slott’s Peter Parker, however, embraces the bizarre and as a result becomes, for all intents and purposes, politically aligned with corporate saboteur Ghost.

Only moments before Ghost attacks his fundraiser, Parker equates buying cheap suits with doing business “right.” Instead of being a CEO who finds a proper balance between thriving in a cutthroat industry and giving back to local communities, he possesses a mentality that is one step removed from the villain calling him a “fat cat” member of “the one percent.”

In short, Peter Parker can be a CEO without becoming self-loathing about it. I suggest Dan Slott read up on Tony Robbins if he wants a good blueprint for how to write about business and finance.

Finally, one cannot talk about ASM #12 without covering the return of MJ.

“I can face Doctor Doom or the Juggernaut. Easy,” says Peter Parker. “But knowing you’re right there, MJ … and with Tony Stark? Everything’s wrong. It shouldn’t be like this,” (emphasis added).

Indeed, long-time fans of ASM would concur that MJ locking arms with Tony Stark at a party is wrong. Likewise, seeing Stark cradle her head while asking if she is okay during an attack feels gross. Dan’s Slott’s decision is to have Peter react to the meeting by a.) first freezing up at the podium, and then b.) calling Pepper Potts and offering her a job at Parker Industries. She rejects the offer without hesitation.

Question: Is that really how Peter would react?

Answer: He would obviously be upset at seeing MJ with another man, but it seems sad and unacceptable to have him respond with a kind of impotence and immaturity that would signal she is better off with Stark.

One shudders to think of the indignities to come as Marvel writers explore the professional (as of now) relationship between MJ and Tony.

When Invincible Iron Man fans last left off, writer Brian Michael Bendis led them to believe Tony Stark, James Rhodes, and Spider-Man died in an explosion perpetrated by a mysterious enemy. IIM #9 picks up four weeks later and Tony Stark is still missing.

Investors want answers because a dead man cannot run a company. James Rhodes wants answers because he and Spider-Man apparently survived. MIT student RiRi, a teenage genius, is also looking for the billionaire in a suit she made from stolen parts because … why, exactly? The reasoning Bendis gives her is pretty flakey: Fate.

Before returning to RiRi, here is what you need to know about IIM #9:

• Rhodey returns to Osaka, Japan, to press Yukio for answers on Tony’s disappearance. He threatens to shut down her illegal gambling operation if she doesn’t talk.
• S.W.A.T.-type agents raid Yukio’s establishment when she refuses to help. An anonymous man beats up Rhodey and takes her to safety during the chaos.
• Doctor Doom convinces Stark’s girlfriend, biochemical engineer Amara Perera, to illegally test her experimental Alzheimer’s drugs on humans.
• The man who helped Yukio escape, “Mr. Franco,” turns out to be Tony Stark in disguise. He somehow faked his own death to get closer to the organization that tried to kill him.

IIM is now nine issues into its run and, quite honestly, not a whole lot has happened. While Bendis does a good job laying out breadcrumbs for readers to follow, there is only so long one can walk before fatigue sets in.

At this point it seems like a legitimate question for fans to ask, “When will we get the payoff?”

True, IIM has had moments of action, but they still have not really brought readers any closer to knowing what is going on with Madam Masque, Doctor Doom, or bio-hacking ninjas. The slog may be worth it, but at this point Bendis is testing readers’ patience. Spending time on a character who appears to be just the latest effort by Marvel to fill out a diversity checklist (i.e., We’ve got a new Iron Man — but’s it’s an Iron Woman and she’s a minority. How do you like us now?) exacerbates the problem.

Will RiRi be a cool character? Perhaps. It just seems as though Marvel is on a weird quest to make female and minority versions of countless established characters.

Peter Parker, meet Miles Morales. Thor, meet She-Thor. Steve Rogers, go be an old man and make way for Sam Wilson. Logan, meet X-23. Bruce Banner, step aside for Amadeus Cho. Tony Stark, meet Iron Riri.

Sometimes it works, as with Sam Wilson and Amadeus Cho, but at the end of the day Marvel would be much better served by creating diverse heroes who are not derivatives of the classics.

If you have been reading IIM, then you should give Bendis a few more issues to deliver a decent payday before possibly jumping ship. If you have not been reading IIM, then you should probably wait until “The War Machines” wraps up before investing in the title.

Captain America: Civil War is downright amazing. It’s scary-good. It’s so good that it makes one wonder if Joe and Anthony Russo cut some sort of weird deal with Mephisto to make it happen. The script is so tight and the direction is so proficient that employers should ask questions about it during job interviews — any candidate who says Civil War is a rotten film should be told to have a nice day and shown the door due to their unfortunate lack of good judgment (I’m kidding … sort of).

For those who have been living in an underground bunker for the last year, Civil War involves the disintegration of the Avengers when the international community demands regulations governing the actions of super-humans. The United Nations has had enough with civilian casualties and diplomatic headaches linked to free-wheeling superheroes, and Tony Stark agrees. Steve Rogers decides the world is safest if he and his allies are only beholden to their own consciouses, and the disagreement puts everyone on a collision course.

Since this is a spoiler-free review, I will concentrate on what the Russo brothers professionally accomplished and only talk in broad brushstrokes about the of the film.

Imagine you’re the Russo brothers.

Now imagine Kevin Feige gives you $250 million and tells you to find a way to utilize Captain America, Iron Man, Winter Soldier, Black Widow, Falcon, War Machine, Hawkeye, Black Panther, Vision, Scarlet Witch, Ant Man, Spider-Man, Crossbones, and Zemo. You need to make sure the script is tight, juggle all the weirdness that actors bring with them to the set, navigate countless professional mine fields, and then somehow deliver a product that can impress a fanbase that has been spoiled with excellence since 2008’s Iron Man.

The verdict is in: Captain America: Winter Soldier was not a fluke. These guys not only met expectations given an almost impossible task — they exceeded expectations. Civil War is a modern superhero classic and should be used as the gold standard by which future installments are judged. One almost feels bad for the pressure their own greatness will have created as production on Avengers: Infinity War – Parts I and II begins.

Regular readers of this blog know I am a stickler for superhero stories that work on multiple levels. If some child (or an adult) just wants to see Spider-Man swing across the screen and come to blows with other superheroes, then he or she will exit the theater with a smile. If intellectually curious individuals want their superhero flicks to be much more than “popcorn fare,” they too will be happy after the end credits roll.

Civil War has gravity, but it also has lighthearted humor. There is plenty of action, but the blows actually mean something because the script took the time to adequately address every character’s motivations. As an added bonus, the world will now get to see cinematic killjoys attempt to nitpick the film into oblivion (e.g., Well, the score wasn’t all that great and it was a bit too long.)

“Compromise where you can, but where you can’t — don’t. Even if everyone is telling you that something wrong is something right. Even if the whole world is telling you to move, it is your duty to plant yourself like a tree, look them in the eye, and say, ‘No. You move,'” S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Sharon Carton (Emily VanCamp) says at one point of advice her aunt once gave her.

After watching Civil War, it is obvious that the Russo brothers had a vision and refused to compromise on all the issues that mattered.

If you are a fan of superhero movies, then you owe it to the creative team that put Civil War together to see it before it leaves theaters.  When you are old and grey you will watch it again and say, “Those were the good old days.”

It would be incredibly hard for any comic book to steal headlines from Marvel’s Hydra-loving Captain America these days, but the latest issue of The Amazing Spider-Man gives it the old college try in terms of defiling a great character. It’s true that Marvel’s editors have not made Peter Parker admit to killing Uncle Ben — yet — but Dan Slott does turn a grown man into an immature loser who puts civilians’ lives at risk. Worse, Peter’s own protégé looks at his behavior and can barely keep his lunch down.

Before we continue on, here is what you need to know for ASM #13:

• Harry Osborn and Betty Brant get ready to go to lunch with “the old gang.” Harry weirdly tells Peter that he isn’t invited because he’s “the big boss man” and Peter sheepishly replies, “Um…okay.”
• Harry tells Betty he didn’t want to “risk” an awkward encounter with Mary Jane attending the lunch.
• The three of them look at one of Betty’s Daily Bugle articles and realize that Augustus Roman is Regent.
• Peter takes off as Spider-Man for a “Big Brother batting cage playdate” with Miles Morales, aka young Spider-Man.
• Tony Stark arrived before Peter and soon ribs him about the quality of Parker Industries’ technology. Iron Man has also provided Miles with new web-shooters.
• Spider-Man goes nuts and begins a street fight with Iron Man in front of parents and their children.
• Miles Morales throws his hands in the air and says he’s “ashamed to be wearing this costume right now.” He leaves unnoticed and is immediately captured by Regent.
• The giant explosion that takes down Miles stuns Spider-Man and Iron Man. The charge towards the blast area.

Ask yourself this question: If a writer claims to love Peter Parker, then why would he have the character behave in a way that causes a derivative version of himself to be “ashamed”?

The job of a writer is to make the protagonist shine in his own unique way as much as possible, yet Dan Slott’s Spider-Man has New Yorkers running for the hills as he acts like a clown.

“With great power comes great responsibility” — unless Tony Stark acts like Tony Stark, in which case it’s time to destroy public property and scare everyone within a half-mile radius. Perhaps J. Jonah Jameson was right all along…

Regular readers will note that Peter Parker had a bizarre fight with Human Torch in ASM #3 and with Iron Man in ASM #12. He is actually regressing in terms of tact, professionalism, and maturity as the series goes on, so much so that his teenage protégé storms off in disgust. 

“It was me. This is my fault,” Spider-Man says as he searches through wreckage for Miles. That may be true within the context of the story, but fans are left thinking, “No, this was Dan Slott. This is his fault.”

Long-time Spider-Man fans need to be told the following since they will never get it from websites like Newsarama: Dan Slott uses ASM #13 to elevate Miles Morales by making a mockery out of Peter Parker.

Writer Brian Michael Bendis did the very same thing in SM #2, which is why readers must pay close attention. There is a concerted effort to chip away at Peter Parker’s credibility until Miles usurps him in popularity, and it will certainly happen unless readers push back — hard.

If you want to see the slow-motion destruction of Peter Parker, then run out and buy ASM today.

If you want to see writers knee-cap the original Spider-Man so that Miles Morales wins the long-distance sales race, then check out ASM.

If you want to show Marvel your displeasure at what it’s doing to both Captain America and Spider-Man, then keep your hard-earned cash for better products. Charles Soule, for instance, is running creative laps around his peers as the moment. I highly suggest checking out his version of Daredevil.

Marvel Comics’ Civil War II officially kicked off on June 1 with James Rhodes … kicking the bucket. Fans were given a hint of his fate in late may with Civil War II #0, but writer Brian Michael Bendis and artist David Marquez made sure by the end of the first issue that everyone knew War Machine just saw his last* battle. It is hard not to believe, however, that killing Rhodey instead of pitting him against his best friend over a complex issue was an error on Marvel’s part.

Here is what you need to know for Civil War II #1:

• A huge cast of superheroes square off against a Celestial Destroyer. A tip by The Inhumans allowed Iron Man, Dr. Strange, Captain Marvel and the others to devise a plan that would send the entity to its home dimension.
• Tony Stark throws a party for the “unqualified, top-to-bottom home run of a win.” The mood is spoiled when it is revealed that Ulysses, an Inhuman who “experiences” the future, was the one who provided intelligence on the Celestial Destroyer’s arrival.
• Captain Marvel asks Ulysses if he wants a job with The Ultimates after Jean Grey fails to read his mind. Tony Stark wants nothing to do with the young man. He warns everyone that using Ulysses’ power to confront people over a possible future is dangerous and wrong.
• Ulysses has a vision of Thanos coming to earth and tells The Inhumans to contact Captain Marvel.
• The events of Civil War II #0 unfold. She Hulk is greatly injured and Rhodey dies.
• Tony confronts Carol Danvers, aka Captain Marvel. She tells Tony what happened and his is livid. “I told you! I told you this would happen!” he screams. Carol says she did the right thing and that Rhodey would act no differently if he had it all to do over again.
• Tony storms off to “make sure none of [the superheroes] play God again.” She Hulk wakes from a coma and tells Captain Marvel to fight for the future (“It’s our future, Carol. Not his.”) before her heart stops.  Doctors try to revive her and the issue ends.

The good thing about Marvel’s decision is that there are plenty of legitimate arguments to be made for killing Rhodey. Unlike turning Steve Rogers into a Nazi-sympathizing Hydra Agent, James Rhodes’ integrity was not violated in the decision-making process. Soldiers die. Every time a warrior steps onto the battlefield, he knows that he might not live to see another day. That’s just how it works.

The bad thing about Marvel’s decision is that it robs readers of a chance to see two friends battle over fierce ideological differences while ultimately finding peace in the end. Both Tony and James would respect the other’s willingness to die for core principles, and in the long run their friendship would probably be stronger for having gone through the ordeal.

A standoff between Tony and Carol has the potential to be powerful, but the better choice would have been Tony vs. James.

In short, Civil War II appears as though it will be a good read if Marvel finds a way to avoid the mistakes of Civil War I (e.g., inserting partisan politics in the story to make on side look evil). It’s just unfortunate that Bendis missed an opportunity to dial up the dramatic tension by keeping Rhodey alive.

*“Last battle” until a Cosmic Cube, a magical gem, or a spell brings him back to life.

Marvel scribe Dan Slott hit a home run with 2015’s Renew Your Vows, but the feat happened despite the creation of a lame villain — Regent. ASM #14 attempts to once again elevate the character into upper echelons of evil, but one cannot help but think of the old line about putting “lipstick on a pig” while reading. Giuseppe Camuncoli puts forth a worthy effort to make the character look cool in costume (don’t ask about supporting cast), but readers care more about the side-stories than the main event.

Here is what you need to know about ASM #14.

• Ms. Marvel, Nova, Captain America, Vision, and She-Thor are all captured by Regent.
• Peter Parker, Tony Stark, and MJ tell Miles Morales’ parents that their son (also taken hostage) won a science contest, but is safe … somewhere … with no internet access … on purpose. (Note: This kind of idea only worked in Captain America: Civil War because Peter Parker wasn’t missing.)
•  MJ tells Peter, “You have no idea how glad I am to have all of this ‘secret identity’ nonsense out of my life. Tony’s not perfect, but with him everything is out in the open.” (Don’t tell Dan Slott, but that is 180 degrees from the truth — Bendis’ Tony Stark disappears for weeks at a time for undercover missions, and no-one knows if he’s dead or alive.)
• Aunt May coughs up blood and keeps it from her husband.
• Harry Osborn Lyman calls for a meeting with Augustus Roman and reveals that he knows the businessman is Regent. Harry says he knows Betty Brant was kidnapped, and then uses webware to warn Spider-Man that he is in danger.
• Spider-Man and Iron Man are crushed by Regent, whose suit was pushed to its limit.

Even if one were to take the position that Regent is an exciting new character, it doesn’t change the fact that readers are getting a rehashed version of Renew Your Vows less than one year after its publication. At least when Marvel does something as tired and worn out as Aunt May dying…the company waits a few years before hitting the “recycle” button. This is like a rerun of your favorite television show after the first three episodes of its new season.

As is often the case with Mr. Slott’s work, there are a lot of pieces shuffled around the chessboard while ultimately not a whole lot goes on. The story bounces from setup to setup (You’re going to love how this comes together in Dead No More, kids!) while ignoring the attention to detail that makes single issues soar.

For instance, Regent dispatches with heavy-hitting heroes like Vision and Captain America in a single panel. He battles She-Thor in what is teased as an epic clash, only to show her captured in an energy bubble two pages later. It’s jarring. It’s strange, and it just isn’t enough for a relatively new character who is met with indifference by most fans.

If you are the kind of Marvel fan who has collected ASM since 1975 and don’t want to break up your complete set, then make sure to head on out to your local comic book shop this week. For everyone else, I suggest waiting until the reviews for Dead No More are published before you consider opening up your wallets.

It was one month ago that this blog asked if Marvel’s Civil War II would avoid the kind of mistakes made during 2006’s first Civil War event. Mark Millar and others turned Tony Stark into a Dick Cheney-esque villain to forward an embarrassing Bush administration allegory, and as a result the story tanked. Brian Michael Bendis has seemingly learned nothing in ten years. His Tony Stark jokes about torturing others “a little bit” in scenes that are unnecessary in terms of moving the plot forward.

Here is what you need to know for Civil War II #2:

• Tony Stark goes to New Attilan and kidnaps Ulysses. An Iron Man decoy defeats Medussa and Karnak while the real Tony escapes to a secret location.
• The Inhumans head to Stark Tower. Karnak vows to tear it down when S.H.I.E.L.D., Captain Marvel and the rest of The Ultimates appear.
• Captain Marvel wants “one chance” to get Tony under control.
• Tony hooks Ulysses up to a brain scanner and threatens to beat him to see how the young man’s brain waves affect his precognition.
• Friday downloads a “copy” of Ulysses’ brain just before the other heroes locate Tony Stark and confront him.
• Ulysses says Tony tortured him, and the billionaire’s response with a smile is, “a little bit,” (because torture is supposed to be funny?).
• Ulysses has a vision that the Hulk kills all the heroes, but this time the episode is seen by everyone in the room.
• Captain Marvel arrives at Bruce Banner’s lab in Alpine, Utah.

While one can debate the definition of torture all day, it is much harder to deny that the scene in question was unnecessary. It only serves to make Mr. Stark look unhinged.

Ulysses even says, “You could have asked me to do these tests,” to which Tony says nothing. There is no response because Tony Stark, even while grieving for his friend, would have demanded an opportunity to study the kid’s brain.

Given that Ulysses has said he is (or was) a huge fan of Tony Stark, and given that the Inhumans let him web-sling around New York City with Spider-Man, it’s a safe bet that they would have allowed him to wear a few brain scanners. There is no reason to engage in character assassination in order to tell a good story, but for some strange reason Marvel likes turning Tony Stark into something from CIA leaker Edward Snowden’s worst nightmares.

Stark’s CIA black site tactics are then juxtaposed with the measured diplomacy of female heroes. Bendis writes a scene that screams, “Imagine if the world were run by women — there would be no more wars! They would look into each other’s eyes, connect with universal sisterhood of things, and come to an agreement. Darn those…those…men!”

The problem with hero versus hero events is that it is obvious that Marvel’s current staff does not know how to write a legitimately balanced story. The Russo brothers proved that it can be done with Captain America: Civil War, but for some unknown reason the comic book scribes are incapable of such a feat.

The result, sadly, is that readers think, “These guys are dysfunctional losers. The world would be better off without them. Why should I buy this?”

Civil War II could have been an intriguing tale, but turning Tony Stark into “Torture” Stark does not bode well for future issues. Perhaps Bendis will right the ship, but as of now it looks like it’s the captain who is trying to sink his own vessel.